The Cost of Discipleship
Discipleship comes with a cost, as Jesus sometimes reminded us:
Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. Which of you wishing to construct a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if there is enough for its completion? Otherwise, after laying the foundation and finding himself unable to finish the work the onlookers should laugh at him and say, "This one began to build but did not have the resources to finish." Or what king marching into battle would not first sit down and decide whether with ten thousand troops he can successfully oppose a king advancing upon him with twenty thousand troops? But if not, while he is still far away, he will send a delegation to ask for peace terms. In the same way, everyone of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple. [Luke 14:27-33]
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. What profit would it be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? Or what can one give in exchange for his life? [Matthew 16:24-26]
Costly Grace
The grace God freely gives ultimately has a cost, because we can't fully receive that gift without responding. Just as in a romantic relationship, truly receiving the love from another can't help but make us care and return that love.
The U.S. Bishops' pastoral letter on stewardship explains this seeming paradox further:
The U.S. Bishops' pastoral letter on stewardship explains this seeming paradox further:
The Lord's way is not a way of comfortable living or of what Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in The Cost of Discipleship, scornfully calls "cheap grace." This is not real grace but an illusion. It is what happens when people approach the following of Christ as a way to pleasant experiences and feeling good. Bonhoeffer contrasts this with "costly" grace.
It is costly because it calls us to follow,
and grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ.
It is costly because it requires a disciple for Jesus' sake to put aside the craving for domination, possession, and control,
and grace because it confers true liberation and eternal life.
It is costly, finally, because it condemns sin,
and grace because it justifies the sinner.
[Stewardship: A Disciple's Response, National Conference of Catholic Bishops]
As we enter into discipleship and let our experience with Jesus change our hearts, we can't help but start seeing the world in a different way, through Jesus' eyes.
Ruined For Life
The Jesuit Volunteer Corps is a program where individuals (often right after completing their college degree) commit to one or two years of service to organizations serving the poor and marginalized. They also commit to four core values: "spiritual growth, simple living, community with other JVs and those they serve, and the pursuit of social justice." In describing what happened in their experience, former volunteers say they have been "ruined for life" because of the awareness they have gained (and can't easily lose).
Conversion through our relationship with Jesus should "ruin us." It turns us into intentional disciples, who seek to live in line with their values.
Conversion through our relationship with Jesus should "ruin us." It turns us into intentional disciples, who seek to live in line with their values.
I Don't Want To Know
A big part of discipleship is this kind of awareness, and resisting our inclinations toward denial. Most have us have probably been in the situation where we've said (or thought), "Don't tell me how much fat is in that amazing dessert." Because if I know, I might have to change my behavior (and not eat it).
In our society, we do this with many things:
I love to complain about how everything is wrong in the world because of what other people do. But don't tell me something that will require me to change.
What's really interesting here is that this is about not wanting to know the facts. Notice that this is not, "Don't tell me what to do." It's "I don't want to know (the facts)." I could know the facts and act however I want to. The problem is that we strongly suspect that the facts would make us hypocrites. If we know the facts, we can't ignore that we're living out of line with our own values.
In our society, we do this with many things:
- Don't tell me where that fruit was grown, or how much fossil fuel it took to get it to me. I don't want to know.
- Don't tell me how the money in my mutual fund or 401K is being invested. I don't want to know.
- Don't tell me how that animal was treated before it was turned into food for me. I don't want to know.
- Don't tell me how that person became homeless, because I might find out it wasn't his fault. I don't want to know.
- Don't tell me what's going on with our troops in the Middle East. I don't want to know.
- Don't tell me how my own political party is immoral. I don't want to know.
- Don't tell me how my country's trade policies are affecting the cultures of Third World countries. I don't want to know.
- Don't tell me what life is like for an undocumented immigrant. I don't want to know.
- Don't tell me how the company I work for is affecting the world for the worse. I don't want to know.
- Don't tell me how many people were shot in that other neighborhood. I don't want to know.
I love to complain about how everything is wrong in the world because of what other people do. But don't tell me something that will require me to change.
What's really interesting here is that this is about not wanting to know the facts. Notice that this is not, "Don't tell me what to do." It's "I don't want to know (the facts)." I could know the facts and act however I want to. The problem is that we strongly suspect that the facts would make us hypocrites. If we know the facts, we can't ignore that we're living out of line with our own values.
Reclaiming Guilt
Catholicism is the religious denomination most associated with guilt (next followed by our Jewish brothers and sisters). I wonder if our desire as a post-Vatican II Church to distance ourselves from that stereotype makes us more reluctant to preach in our parishes about daily life issues, lest we be seen as judgmental.
But guilt can be a healthy and helpful emotion, especially as we struggle to live as disciples. James and Evelyn Whitehead how painful emotions can be our allies:
But guilt can be a healthy and helpful emotion, especially as we struggle to live as disciples. James and Evelyn Whitehead how painful emotions can be our allies:
Bad feelings make us miserable, but they often come bearing gifts. A negative emotion's gift sometimes comes in the self-examination it provokes. Emotional distress challenges familiar patterns -- "something is not right!" Our regular ways of thinking and acting no longer work. Troubled and confused, we review our expectations, reexamine our values, raise questions about how our life is going. Our refection carries the seeds of significant transformation; both personal and social change start here.
Guilt can alert us to when we're not living the way we believe we should, and motivate us to action. The Whiteheads explain that guilt:
reminds us of the shape of our best self;
alerts us to discrepancies between ideals and behavior;
defends the commitments and value-choices through which we give meaning to life;
it support our sense of personal integrity
[Shadows of the Heart: A Spirituality of the Negative Emotions, James D. Whitehead and Evelyn Eaton Whitehead]
Scripture offers two metaphors relating to guilt. One is of breaking a covenant: violating an agreement between us and God (or others). This metaphor recognizes the value of keeping right relationships. The second is the New Testament notion of sin (literally "missing the mark"), which suggests a failure to achieve a goal.
Guilt is most helpful when it originates from covenants or goals that we personally own and believe in, rather than ones that are imposed or unhealthy. When we experience guilt we should look a little more closely at what we may be violating. If someone else is "making" us feel guilty about something, check if you're violating something something you believe in.
Life is also complicated and ambiguous, where we may have to choose between two (or more) "good" options or multiple "bad" options. I may have the value to support my parish community and take on a ministry commitment, but I may also have the value to stay healthy and balanced and realize that I am burned out and God is not calling me to do so. But I have to choose between the two. I may feel guilt with either decision, because I'm saying no to something I believe in. But understanding these dynamics can help us evaluate our guilt when we experience it and put it to good use.
When our guilt alerts us that something in our lives is out of balance, we are called to respond in love.
Guilt is most helpful when it originates from covenants or goals that we personally own and believe in, rather than ones that are imposed or unhealthy. When we experience guilt we should look a little more closely at what we may be violating. If someone else is "making" us feel guilty about something, check if you're violating something something you believe in.
Life is also complicated and ambiguous, where we may have to choose between two (or more) "good" options or multiple "bad" options. I may have the value to support my parish community and take on a ministry commitment, but I may also have the value to stay healthy and balanced and realize that I am burned out and God is not calling me to do so. But I have to choose between the two. I may feel guilt with either decision, because I'm saying no to something I believe in. But understanding these dynamics can help us evaluate our guilt when we experience it and put it to good use.
When our guilt alerts us that something in our lives is out of balance, we are called to respond in love.
Not Becoming Consumed
The challenge of discipleship can feel overwhelming. Living in a society with values so counter to those of the gospel, how do we keep from feeling guilty, stressed, and miserable all the time?
The first step is to give up. I need to recognize that I can't ever fully succeed as a disciple. We are all sinners. None of us is "clean" and living a fully righteous life. We have missed the mark and will continue to miss the mark. This is why at every Mass we recall our sins in the Penitential Rite and receive forgiveness. So we can be sent out again at the end of the liturgy to try again.
Second, recognize the paradox in Jesus' message to us. One moment he is telling us that discipleship is hard, and we need to do more. The next, he is telling us that we've done enough. "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle..." "Your faith has healed you..." Whenever we're complacent, there's Jesus saying to try harder. Whenever we're frustrated and stressed, there's Jesus saying we don't have to do anything else.
Third, it can be helpful to focus not on what we haven't done yet, but rather who we are becoming. Each action we take in Jesus direction makes us a better disciple and a better person. Am I making progress? Are my actions transforming me? Am I making the mark and fulfilling the covenant more often?
Finally, recognize the paradox in our discipleship actions. When I finally take some "hard" action, it actually makes my life better. I give, and I get more back in return. I finally give up trying to control my life, and amazing things start happening. I finally let my wife give away that stuff that was piled up in my office, and hey, it feels a lot better in there. I don't always get immediate gratification, but if living by the Gospel does not make us happier and more fulfilled then we're doing it wrong!
The first step is to give up. I need to recognize that I can't ever fully succeed as a disciple. We are all sinners. None of us is "clean" and living a fully righteous life. We have missed the mark and will continue to miss the mark. This is why at every Mass we recall our sins in the Penitential Rite and receive forgiveness. So we can be sent out again at the end of the liturgy to try again.
Second, recognize the paradox in Jesus' message to us. One moment he is telling us that discipleship is hard, and we need to do more. The next, he is telling us that we've done enough. "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle..." "Your faith has healed you..." Whenever we're complacent, there's Jesus saying to try harder. Whenever we're frustrated and stressed, there's Jesus saying we don't have to do anything else.
Third, it can be helpful to focus not on what we haven't done yet, but rather who we are becoming. Each action we take in Jesus direction makes us a better disciple and a better person. Am I making progress? Are my actions transforming me? Am I making the mark and fulfilling the covenant more often?
Finally, recognize the paradox in our discipleship actions. When I finally take some "hard" action, it actually makes my life better. I give, and I get more back in return. I finally give up trying to control my life, and amazing things start happening. I finally let my wife give away that stuff that was piled up in my office, and hey, it feels a lot better in there. I don't always get immediate gratification, but if living by the Gospel does not make us happier and more fulfilled then we're doing it wrong!
Claiming Our Power
If everyone in the Church decided we would change the world starting tomorrow, there would be huge changes. Because we are involved at all levels of government, all levels of the most powerful corporations and organizations, and all socio-economic levels. There are many of us. We indeed are in a powerful position to transform the world into the Kingdom that Jesus taught us about.
But more importantly, we are working on behalf of and alongside God in bringing about the Kingdom. With God, all things are possible.
But more importantly, we are working on behalf of and alongside God in bringing about the Kingdom. With God, all things are possible.
Resources
The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Cover image from Pentecost, a painting by El Greco.